carbs.

lately, all i've wanted are croissants. croissants, and rolls, and bagels, and biscuits, and soft fresh bread. a couple times in the last two weeks i've actually left my house in the cold evening, gone to the market, and come home with the objects of my cravings. strangely, the scale says i've stayed the same since before my trip to carolina. i think the scale is broken, but m. insists on its accuracy.

when i was a child, my weight gain all stemmed from carbs - mainly pasta. as a lonely kid, i would get up on a saturday morning, make an entire box of pasta, sit in front of the television and between 10 and 1, devour the whole colander full of al dente goodness. it was something i could control - what i put in my mouth. i rolled into my 19th year at 239.5 lbs. after many, many, years of fat camp and weight watchers, i've managed to keep myself between 165 and 169 for the last 12 months.

i feel that familiar tug at my sleeve - that beckoning of the familiar. i have two croissants and 1.5 bagels on my kitchen counter. there's a safety having them near by.

7% battery left.

i have yet another tension headache. ugh. other things i currently have include but are not limited to: a black dog who needs a bath, a sickly mexican, a grand plan, some won ton soup in the fridge, a cell phone on my belly, people i miss, some more weight to lose, a love of fall, a craving for cinnamon rolls, a book i've yet to start, a new winter hat, an obsession with the internets, and a nice clean sink, void of last night's dishes. not bad.

inaugural spin.

this is all in an effort to write more and post on facebook less. we were at a wedding in north carolina last week and i had three people come up to me, who mind you i don't keep in touch with, and ask me if "mexi" was there with me. sign number 159 that i spend too much time on facebook. something about instant, mass communication with people i know, used to know, or care about, comforts me. strange, right? i'm hoping that blogging will be a vehicle for those who want to know more about my life to catch up with me in a more in depth forum. readers of the blog will be by invitation only. the link will not be posted on facebook.

my main hope however is that i start writing again. really writing. meghan reminded me the other night that she doesn't know me as a writer. how odd. i was known as the poet of my high school. i filled up quite a few journals in college. honestly, pen and paper was never far from my side until i discovered facebook. i'm not totally leaving this online community of "friends"...only taking a step back. i'm intentionally working to rediscover my narrative side and stop thinking in third person, one sentence, updates. we shall see, we shall see.