carbs.

lately, all i've wanted are croissants. croissants, and rolls, and bagels, and biscuits, and soft fresh bread. a couple times in the last two weeks i've actually left my house in the cold evening, gone to the market, and come home with the objects of my cravings. strangely, the scale says i've stayed the same since before my trip to carolina. i think the scale is broken, but m. insists on its accuracy.

when i was a child, my weight gain all stemmed from carbs - mainly pasta. as a lonely kid, i would get up on a saturday morning, make an entire box of pasta, sit in front of the television and between 10 and 1, devour the whole colander full of al dente goodness. it was something i could control - what i put in my mouth. i rolled into my 19th year at 239.5 lbs. after many, many, years of fat camp and weight watchers, i've managed to keep myself between 165 and 169 for the last 12 months.

i feel that familiar tug at my sleeve - that beckoning of the familiar. i have two croissants and 1.5 bagels on my kitchen counter. there's a safety having them near by.